We had a fight today. It pisses me off that whenever we fight he makes such low blows. It's like he makes every effort he possibly can to make me feel as hurt as possible. Now, I get that he does this because I've hurt him and he's retaliating for whatever reason, but seriously? Things would never escalate as much as they do if he would just learn to control his obnoxious insults.
I feel horrible when things are like this. I want to back down and admit that everything is my fault and go back to the way things were... but it never really works out that way. I try to back down and there he is.. being a jerk again.
He was asleep in the living room and I took the dog for a walk. I was gone literally five minutes. The second I get back in the house I hear "Where have you been? You've been gone a long time". Are you SERIOUSLY accusing me of something? What the fuck is really going on. I snap and lose my cool. Obviously. I guess it just boils down to this: in the years we were dating he was consistently inconsistent. Always leaving, always accusing, never really taking a chance on us. I guess I never really healed from that. I had a pretty big self destructive phase when we weren't together, and I really just didn't get to heal from my heart being broken.
I love my husband, and I love my marriage. What the fuck do I need to do to get past this?