Today started really well. Last night I got to speak to Ryan quite a few times because he had cell phone reception before they pulled out of the port. He got settled into the living space, and spent most of the night talking to me, and getting ready for his first day one tomorrow. He works form 7-7 daily, and somehow manages to have time to watch a movie and then fall asleep. I fell asleep last night after tossing and turning for a while. It was pretty hard to fall asleep, but thankfully I have been really blessed to have so many people that genuinely care about me. People have called, and messaged me on Facebook to keep me company. At around 6:45am I heard Ryan's ringtone, and it brightened my morning. Hearing his voice blessed me with a few more hours of the best rest I've had in a while. It's amazing how just his VOICE can calm me down and settle all the worries in my everyday life. He seemed to be in a better mood than he was last night, and that made me feel much better, because I am NOT ok with my husband being uncomfortable or inconvenienced. It erks me. I just want to be the best wife and friend I can to him. It's hard to give up that duty because of the forced space inbetween us. It's an impossible feeling. I heard from him again around 1pm, and he let me know that they were heading out to the open ocean and his phone was not going to be working from now on. So, this means he will wait on getting his cash card, and checking his email. Hopefully those come sooner than later. I am SO grateful for those few phone calls that I received in the last 24 hours. They helped me get over the first hurdle. Ryan, and his loving sweet words, helped me get through.
I can't help but think about the spouses 20-30 years ago and dealing with war and deployment. We have email now, and most deployed personnel get phone priveleges at least SOME of the time. Imagine having to depend solely on letters? Maybe one or two a YEAR! My father is a decorated Vietnam Veteran and he was engaged to my mother when he was in the war. She stayed loyal and faithful to him the entire time he was gone. Never faultering in her love and support. She only received a handful of letters within a year and half, but she made it work. The knowledge of this has helped me to see forward. I look past the horizon and look at the big picture. By August 2012 I will be an RN, and Ryan will have four more months in the military. We will be searching for a house, having a baby, and making things work in our new lives as two civilians. I look forward to those days.
I guess you could say I'm expecting the worse case scenario. I'm expecting not to talk to him for another 4 weeks. That way, when/if I do hear from him I will be suprised, relieved, and fortunate. I'm viewing it like that. Looking forward is the best plan I have..... it's the only one I can think of that keeps me close to sane.
On that note, I'm out for the night. I'm going to take a hot bath, make a vodka cranberry, and watch a movie with the puppy dog in my lap. Thinking of Ryan, smiling at his picture, and looking forward to the day he's home.